Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
