I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
