if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
