how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
