is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
