it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
