Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
