Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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