so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I love having hate sex.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
