Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
