My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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