Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
