need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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