and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
