Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
