I cut my penus on the lid.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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