Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
