Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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