so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
