I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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