Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
