im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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