My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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