u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Randomize
