i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
