I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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