I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
