Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
