I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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