I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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