apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
