Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
