Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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