I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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