no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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