I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My dick has a subreddit
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
