I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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