I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
