yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
