Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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