I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
