OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
