Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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