On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My day in three words: secret purse cake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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