I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
