tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
