I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
