Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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