...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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