All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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